How do you find true Romance, and keep the spark alive?
We all know it's tough to keep the passion flowing.
Often it’s loneliness that drives us to seek partnership in the first place, the desire for a ‘twin flame’ or 'soulmate' who will give us fulfillment. In the age of social media and dating apps, you’d think it would be easier to find that special someone who meets all our needs... So why does it feel so difficult?
After what seems like ages, you fall madly in love with someone, and the delicious passion you feel for your partner makes life seem like a fairy tale... Then the first blush of infatuation subsides, and we remember it’s not all wine and roses: It takes both partners doing deep, soul-scouring work to build and maintain a foundation that will withstand the test of time.
Where do you find the boundless love and inner resolve it takes?
“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” - Rumi
Step 1: Let go of the search and romance yourself
Yoga and Tantra teach us to shed attachment to the fruits of desire, calling out desire as the source of all suffering. Instead of looking to another for fulfillment, they teach us to fall in love with the Self.
True romance must be found within before it can be fully shared with another.
That doesn't necessarily mean you have to break up with your partner or delete your dating profile... It just means that you're happy with who you are, regardless of your relationship status. When we focus on cultivating inner strength and balance, rather than seeking to augment or counterweight ourselves with an idealized significant other, we find that we're actually really attracted to who we're becoming.
It's no longer about finding the perfect mate, or changing our partner into our ideas of who we think they should be (which partners intrinsically rebel against). As we develop the discipline and drive to keep growing, learning and pushing ourselves beyond our comfort zones, our sense of confidence and self-love blossoms.
You feel whole within yourself, blissfully complete.
Step 2: Let love come to you
The great paradox is that feeling whole within yourself naturally attracts the vibration of another who is equally whole.
The Self work that you've done shines through, and your lover can't help but notice your radiance. Partners of many years feel an infusion of magic and renewed passion. Budding sweethearts can't take their eyes off each other.
The shallows of attraction give way to Love as the ocean... Waves of cresting joy and ecstatic bliss, peaceful tides of gentle, domestic comfort, supported by the boundless depths to explore and celebrate together.
Step 3: Build your temple together
When two independent, emotionally self-reliant people fall in love, the shape of their relationship settles into something Strong, and built to last.
Not that it’s easy!
There’s still a lot of important work to do. But the couple knows HOW to do the work. They have the emotional toolset to adapt to each other, dismantling blockages and building empathy. They know how to listen, both to each other, and to the voice of their own intuition. This is what clears away friction and allows true romantic, passionate love to swell and flow between them for decades to come.
However, this requires both people to be fully present!
How can we remind ourselves to reside in that centered, powerful place of love?
In my own experience of relationship, I've known the highs and lows, made mistakes, and pushed myself to grow when I knew it was time to re-invent myself, reconnecting with my own source of inner strength and love. This has made me a far better person and provider in partnership.
As an artist, it's my joy to translate what I've learned into imagery that imparts these enduring lessons of balance, practice and serenity.
It is my hope that this artwork will serve you, providing an ever-present reminder in your home of the loving wellspring in all of us, inspiring you to tap into that feeling of romance and deep inner fulfillment.
May you find your very own Tantric Harmony, both within yourself, and in relationship.